September 13, 2008, 2:01 pm

By Tim Wise

For those who still can’t grasp the concept of white privilege, or who are constantly looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it, perhaps this list will help.

White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you or your parents, because “every family has challenges,” even as black and Latino families with similar “challenges” are regularly typified as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.

White privilege is when you can call yourself a “fuckin’ redneck,” like Bristol Palin’s boyfriend does, and talk about how if anyone messes with you, you’ll “kick their fuckin’ ass,” and talk about how you like to “shoot shit” for fun, and still be viewed as a responsible, all-American boy (and a great son-in-law to be) rather than a thug.

White privilege is when you can attend four different colleges in six years like Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed out of, then returned to after making up some coursework at a community college), and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed as unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in in the first place because of affirmative action.

White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island of Manhattan, makes you ready to potentially be president, and people don’t all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black U.S. Senator, two-term state Senator, and constitutional law scholar, means you’re “untested.”

White privilege is being able to say that you support the words “under God” in the pledge of allegiance because “if it was good enough for the founding fathers, it’s good enough for me,” and not be immediately disqualified from holding office–since, after all, the pledge was written in the late 1800s and the “under God” part wasn’t added until the 1950s–while believing that reading accused criminals and terrorists their rights (because, ya know, the Constitution, which you used to teach at a prestigious law school requires it), is a dangerous and silly idea only supported by mushy liberals.

White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not make people immediately scared of you.

White privilege is being able to have a husband who was a member of an extremist political party that wants your state to secede from the Union, and whose motto was “Alaska first,” and no one questions your patriotism or that of your family, while if you’re black and your spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11 memorial so she can be home with her kids on the first day of school, people immediately think she’s being disrespectful.

White privilege is being able to make fun of community organizers and the work they do–like, among other things, fight for the right of women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or an end to child labor–and people think you’re being pithy and tough, but if you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and 18-month governor with no foreign policy expertise beyond a class she took in college–you’re somehow being mean, or even sexist.

White privilege is being able to convince white women who don’t even agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your running mate anyway, because all of a sudden your presence on the ticket has inspired confidence in these same white women, and made them give your party a “second look.”

White privilege is being able to fire people who didn’t support your political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or being a typical politician who engages in favoritism, while being black and merely knowing some folks from the old-line political machines in Chicago means you must be corrupt.

White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years whose pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely criticize George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an explicitly Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring Christian theological principles into government, and who bring in speakers who say the conflict in the Middle East is God’s punishment on Jews for rejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think you’re just a good church-going Christian, but if you’re black and friends with a black pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department of Defense) that terrorist attacks are often the result of U.S. foreign policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effect on black people, you’re an extremist who probably hates America.

White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when asked by a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for asking you such a “trick question,” while being black and merely refusing to give one-word answers to the queries of Bill O’Reilly means you’re dodging the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and nuanced.

White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW has anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being black and experiencing racism is, as Sarah Palin has referred to it a “light” burden.

And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could possibly allow someone to become president when he has voted with George W. Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is skyrocketing, people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and the U.S. is increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because white voters aren’t sure about that whole “change” thing. Ya know, it’s just too vague and ill-defined, unlike, say, four more years of the same, which is very concrete and certain…

White privilege is, in short, the problem.

I was intrigued and interested in you, but I started liking you after I spent time with you…the second time. and i can’t tell you because you can never tell a girl something that they’re not ready to hear. it derails all chances of ever connecting at another level.

It’s sad….and that’s life.

-ek

by the way…i hate you.

I wish you were here…

-ek

1.21 Gigawatts. Great Scott…1.21 Gigawatts. It can’t be done. It just, can’t…be….done.

You would’ve laughed at that. I know. Or you would’ve actually finished the lines.

I hope I can see you again. Someday….in 1985.

-ek

I’ve always wanted to say that to your face.

-ek

I find myself asking for forgiveness a lot more than I used to when I pray to you. For that matter, I find myself not praying to you as consistently as I used to. Basically, I stopped talking to you. You obviously know that since you haven’t been hearing from me. So this is probably redundant and pretty much only for me to try to set up some way of saying sorry to you…pretty much trying to come off as someone who really is sorry, when a part of me probably isn’t. I’m a fucking asshole, and I don’t know how to stop. Or maybe I do and I’m just coming up with an excuse.

Forgive me. I can’t help myself. My mind says I can though. I can’t seem to go back to how I used to be….consistent with you. I want to get angry at you, but I know it’s not your fault. I have found every way to deny you and I’ve found just about every perfect reason…ways to rationalize how I act and why you’re not real or not how most ministers say you are.

The thing is…deep down I just want to connect. I just want to hold hands with people….and not with the friends that I normally hang out with, but I want to hold hands and be totally free with how I feel and how I want to act…with people that understand. I used to have that once, but not anymore. But I know you already know that, and once again I’m just stating the obvious.

I’ve abandoned you, neglected you, and rejected you. But even deeper down into the crevices, you know I’ve been searching for you…not as hard I can or should, but I’ve been looking.

Don’t give up on me. please.

-eddie

You better take this advice well because no one else will tell it to you like this. Everyone else will just avoid you. You need to learn how to shape up or you’re on the fast track to becoming a loser.

-eddie

You’re right. I feel like I’m being constantly attacked.

You’re one of the very, very few people who understand that about me. You understand how I feel or at the very least, you recognize that I feel that way.

I feel that maybe you just might turn out to be a friend in the near future.

I hope so.

-ek

The obvious conclusion is that you would get mad about it. Your guilt is so strong that you would actually get more mad about it and respond in an angry way because you can’t face the fact that you were wrong!

Instead of correcting your mistake, you stuck by it. And now you’re going to ruin the organization overall.

That’s why you’re a vindictive bitch!

-ek

I really need to stop getting angry. But you know what, anyone who tells me that can fuck off. Don’t tell me what i should feel. If anything, why don’t you learn to express yourself instead of holding it all in and being nice and polite. We all know in real life, deep down inside, you’re not even polite. You’re filled with anger and bitchy attitudes as well. I know it. You know it. Get over yourself

God…why do i feel more anger than joy these days?

-ek